on infusing faith to others

As we've shared our news, we have been so humbled to see how our story has strengthened the faith of our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. That God would be able to use this whole circumstance not only for our good, but for the blessing of others is simply astounding. Below is one of the emails we received that was a tremendous encouragement to James and I, and such an expression of rejoicing with those who rejoice. Our friend Mike relates events from the first week of November, when we traveled south to participate in a missions conference. 

This truly is a miracle only the Lord could orchestrate -- and to me, it's not only an extraordinary outcome, but this news comes at a miraculous time of the year.

Kristen and James, I'll never forget hearing your testimony during the dinner at the conference just a few short weeks ago. It had many of us in tears as we listened to you describe not only what both of you had been through so far, but the way you continued to put your trust in God, despite what seemed inevitable.

At the end of the conference when we interviewed the two of you on camera, that faith continued to show through, even as James had to step aside because his cough was so bad that night.The two of you were graceful in your acceptance of the circumstances -- and you demonstrated that grace and your faith in every word you said.

And now, to hear this amazing news is such a blessing to all of us. When I spoke praise in my prayers yesterday at dinner, my wife -- who'd heard your dinner testimony -- burst out in tears. We've been celebrating with you ever since.

In homage to our Old Testament roots, there's an old Chanukah blessing that goes like this, "....Ba-ruch A-tah Ado-nai E-lo-he-nu Me-lech Ha-olam she-a-sa ni-sim la-avo-te-nu ba-ya-mim ha-hem bi-zman ha-zeh." It translates to, "...Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, King of the universe, who performed miracles for our forefathers in those days, at this time."

Clearly, God is not finished performing miracles. I'm grateful that He revealed His hand in this way...and Kristen and James, I unabashedly thank God on your behalf. May He continue to bless you both -- and may your story infuse faith into the lives of people everywhere.

Now Here's News Worth Mentioning...

Over the past few days, news has been trickling in from Jay, Dr. Einhorn's nurse. We first heard that James's cancer diagnosis had not changed. After a review of pathology, it was determined that James had squamous cell NSCLC with no genetic mutation...which means no form of pill chemo for treatment. And then we discussed the potential use of immunotherapy drugs. (Blech, but...well...okay.)

And then...THEN...the following news this afternoon.

After review of medical records by two "Tumor Boards" (i.e., the nerdy club you get to be in as an oncologist) and two teams of geneticists, Dr. Einhorn has determined
1. James is disease free
2. James does not currently need any treatment, and
3. "Cure" is possible, meaning that it is statistically probable that James will survive 5 years or more.

WOW.

Just, wow.

We have been overjoyed to get to share this news with some of you in person/over the phone, and it has been, by far, one of the highlights of our lives to share what God has done and to laugh and cry with you as we rejoice together. Words cannot express our gratitude to you who so faithfully walked this hard road with us. God was so gracious in giving us such awesome friends who loved and supported us every step of the way.

I am sure you have questions - we do too! We will meet with Dr. Einhorn in January where we can ask all the questions we have and get insight into how best to proceed. For the near future, Dr. Einhorn plans to monitor James every 4 months via lab work and x-ray.

In the meantime, continue to pray for James's health...he is happy to report that nearly every day he feels better than the one before. He is back to walking at very nearly a normal pace, can breathe, and says that his lungs feel so much clearer. His cough is greatly reduced, he is sleeping well, and has all kinds of energy. Apparently his eyebrows will be the last great holdouts for recovery - ha! But as one of our friends said, "I'm going to keep on praying, because I want to see James FULLY RESTORED." Yes, and AMEN. Pray too that God will give us wisdom as to how we return to "regular scheduled programming" in terms of our lives. Our return to Asia will be one of the issues discussed with Dr. Einhorn.

Now go and have an awesome Christmas...with hearts a little lighter, and just a tad more joyful than you had hoped for. It's our gift to you.

xoxo
--james & kristen

where james gets "famous"

Last Friday we had the chance to speak to Jay, Dr. Einhorn's nurse, and got a small update on things over at IU. 

IU was able to procure samples from St. Vincent's...after a bit of wrangling professional reminding. (It went something like, "This patient is not getting chemo treatment while we wait on you!")  So, there was a bit of delay intially, but things are good now. 

Dr. Einhorn consulted with his partners who have all agreed it is good for James to stop treatment for now. (This made me laugh...I'm sure the other doctors are not slouches, but does anyone disagree with Dr. Larry?!)

Additionally, there's a team of thoracic cancer researchers at IU who have already been made aware of James's case. Their next meeting will be December 17th. James will be one of the patients they plan to discuss. ("Oooh! I'm getting famous!" James said.) They will be reviewing all the results and together will determine the best course of treatment. Jay said that sometimes one doctor sees it as a straightforward case, while another notices something that changes the equation. Pray for God's wisdom to be granted them!

In general, James is feeling much better these days sans chemo. He has been complaining lately of the inability to focus/concentrate when he reads. Pray that his mental acuity will return to him as the chemo works its way out of his body. He is sleeping better and is coughing less and less. Pray that God will completely heal and restore his lungs! I was remembering yesterday how last fall, even into November, James was able to run. Now, because of his lungs, he can't. We are continuing to trust God for great things, and are encouraged by your faith as well. Thank you!!  Have a great week...

larry's second opinion

Happy Thanksgiving, friends! I suppose that you are now rousing yourself from a tryptophan-induced coma (or are about to succumb to such fate)...here's a good little story to keep you amused while you wait on your pancreas to catch up to life. 

Yesterday, James and I went to see Dr. Lawrence Einhorn, an oncologist at the Indiana University Cancer Center. To those outside the world of oncology, that's just another doctor. To everyone else, Einhorn is something like a god. He's the man who treated Lance Armstrong, and he's the man who came up with the treatment regimen that has basically cured testicular cancer. A few weeks ago, I mentioned to a retired-from-Duke oncology researcher that we were planning to see him, and his eyes bugged out in total shock and amazement. "YOU got in to see EINHORN?!" came the flabbergasted reply. I might as well have said, "I'm having tea with the Queen next Tuesday." 

Well, yes, we got in to see him. How? "The luck of God," as my father likes to call it - a coincidence so striking that it's clearly the hand of God. (Spend much time following God and you find out that He is, in all His sovereignty, amazingly "lucky" -- that is, things always "seem" to go His way.) 

Lydia's teacher...of all the teachers she could have had...has a father who was a doctor. That doctor just so happened to be a former colleague of Dr. Einhorn's. Lydia just happens to be the sort of kid who talks about life in a matter-of-fact way, so she didn't think it odd to talk to her teacher and classmates about the fact that "my dad has lung cancer."  Her teacher, of all the responses she could have had, was moved to act on our behalf. 

So there we were.  Meeting Dr. Einhorn. Getting the mother-of-all second opinions. I guess I should say that we were expecting to hear something like, "Sorry 'bout your luck, there's nothing we can do yet, you're doing everything right...contact me in a couple months to see if a clinical trial has opened up." But it played out radically different from that, and I apologize in advance for the length of this post. (Sorry, not sorry.) 

Dr. Einhorn is unsure of James's diagnosis of squamous non-small cell lung cancer (NSCLC). 

Here's why.
1. Squamous NSCLC rarely occurs in non-smokers.
2. Squamous NSCLC usually takes over the entire chest cavity...just "explosions" of tumors all over the right and left sides of the lungs, all the lymph nodes, up into the neck, etc. Strangely, James's tumors have all stayed on the right. (One tumor was so large that it started to cross the midline, but nothing else.)
3. Squamous NSCLC rarely - rarely - metastasizes to bone.
4. Squamous NSCLC that has metastasized to bone does not respond so quickly to chemotherapy. 

This last point is key - Dr. Einhorn spent a lot of time unpacking the timeline of James's "hip tumor." (The one in his right ilium.) The tumor first showed up as a "blip" in a PET scan in May...James started experiencing pain in June...which then became moderate-to-severe pain in July...which then showed up as a tumor in a scan in July...which then responded to chemo pretty much immediately...and was "PET negative" in October. (It was news to us that his hip no longer houses a cancerous tumor...Dr. Gupta had told us that everything was "better." So...wow. WOW.)  Dr. Einhorn actually said that it is "strange" how this tumor responded, and asked more than once if James had ever fallen (which would explain the PET scan "blip" as well). "I am 99% sure this was cancerous in July...but now it's not there. That is strange." (I could almost see him mentally scratching his brain.) 

So here's the plan.
1. James is stopping all chemotherapy until "we" figure out what he's got. Dr. Einhorn was dictating a communication to Dr. Gupta on our behalf to that effect yesterday. And I talked to the scheduling gal; all future appointments have been cancelled.
(James said the visit was worth that news alone...no more chemo...for at least 3 weeks!)

2. Jay, Dr. Einhorn's nurse, is procuring James's biopsy samples from the surgeon. IU-Health will reexamine them to determine if James truly has squamous NSCLC.

3. If it is determined that yes, it is squamous NSCLC, James's biopsy samples will be sent to University of Michigan's genetics lab for testing. It is possible (1-in-3 chance) that James has a genetic mutation that has led to squamous NSCLC. 

If James has one of those mutations, he stops all IV chemo and takes a pill form of chemo that is having remarkable results. No one uses the word "cure" in oncology (or only very rarely) but people are living for years and years on this stuff.

4. If it is determined that yes, James does have squamous NSCLC without a genetic mutation, he stays on one of the chemo drugs he is currently on, gets off the really harsh one with the nasty side-effects, and we stand in awe of what God has done on James's behalf. He has kept it from taking over his chest, he allowed the chemo to work, He removed the tumor from his hip, He has sustained his life, He has allowed a stage IV lung cancer patient to have energy to shoot hoops, He has..., He has...., He has...........

5.  If it is determined that no, James does not have squamous NSCLC, then we first of all say, "Wow. Look what God has done," because there were multiple pathologists in multiple countries who all came to the same conclusion...and that would just be...strange.  If James does not have squamous NSCLC, he gets off all IV chemo, takes a monthly chemo-pill, and...see above for expected results.

I will give you some time for this to all sink in.


Waiting....




Waiting....




Waiting...



Okay.  Now answers to a few questions.

Is it really possible that the diagnosis was wrong?
Yes. Apparently, it happens, and what typically results is the oncologist gets the pathology report and aggressively starts treating the cancer...and the doctor rarely stops to think "Hmm, this isn't adding up..."

Is Dr. Gupta a terrible doctor?
Absolutely not. We remain convinced of his skill, and touched by his compassion. If anyone I knew got a cancer diagnosis, I would refer them without hesitation to him. This experience just goes to show the benefit of a second opinion.

Do you think it would have gone differently if you started with Dr. Einhorn?
Probably not. I think Dr. Einhorn would have taken the same initial course of treatment with James - James was, in fact, treated with Dr. Einhorn's regimen of chemo last fall. Had we started with Dr. Einhorn, we would probably be getting the second opinion from Dr. Gupta...and getting the same news, with Dr. Gupta saying, "This is strange. I am not sure you have squamous NSCLC." These two men are just that good at what they do.

When will you know?
It will take about 3 weeks to get all the results in.

Does the hospital really still have the tissue samples?
Yes. That stuff doesn't get thrown out. It is possible it's not a good enough sample or that there's not enough of it...in which case they would have to go in and get some more from James. (We didn't find out what exactly they will be biopsy-ing since James doesn't have lots of active tumors anymore...but we are comfortable with leaving that to the experts.)

If it's not squamous NSCLC, what does James have?
Dr. Einhorn thinks that James's tumors are acting a lot more like adenocarcinoma.

How can we pray?
We don't know how this is going to play out, but there is obviously a lot of room for God to be at work. Pray that His hand will be strikingly evident. (I always like it when doctors say, "Well, this is strange..."). Pray that God will get the glory!

Did we just find out God worked a miracle?
Yes. No matter what the diagnosis, James was healed of the tumor in his hip. Thank You, Lord.

Can I take my Thankgiving Day nap now?
Yes, you should do that...but not before you give us the chance to say Happy Thanksgiving!!  Now go have a great nap...you earned it. 

what I'm doing for advent

Greetings from the chemo ward, people! Here's some happy for your day - my friend Kari over at Stone Soup For Five has just released her latest study, The Promises. It's a study of the Old Testament prophecies and their fulfillment in Jesus. 

As Kari's editor and chief cheerleader for this project, I will unashamedly say that you should consider joining in for December. Each day's study includes verses from the Old and New Testaments to study, a brief explanation/study notes/thoughtful quotes to ponder, a daily Christmas challenge (dos and dont's for a more meaningful, less stressed holiday), and a doodle page to color. You can even print off extra coloring pages for your kids. It will be both meaningful and fun...a peaceful, relaxing, worshipful way to enjoy the season. (And seriously, some of these pictures are just inspired.)

As she and I collaborated on this, and as the study took shape, I was amazed at the richness that developed as we moved through the prophecies....from a vague notion of Snake-Crusher, to Messiah, to Suffering Servant...to the risen, exalted, reigning King. He is worthy of our worship, and only when we receive Him as He has fully revealed Himself - not only as a baby in the manger, but as crucified Savior, as reigning Prince of Peace - can we truly worship. I can't wait for December 1st so I can dive in (without editing this time!). I'd be so glad to know you joined in...

Stone Soup for Five Advent Study

on death and dying

In the past month, James and I have been grieved by the loss of two dear friends of ours.  Both were men of deep faith, who had given themselves wholly to the Lord. They loved much, and we were the happy recipients of their love and many kindnesses over the years. They will be deeply missed, not only by us, but by literally hundreds of other people who were blessed to know them.  In light of that, some thoughts...

*Attending memorials is no cocktail party, or so I quipped to a friend of mine. This was immediately followed by the thought, “Why not?”  As in, why do we not have cocktails at funerals? What were we thinking?! Something to imagine...and consider for the future. J

*”Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me” has been a verse that has repeatedly come to my mind over the past year. (And yes, the Holy Spirit speaks this verse to me in the King James.) We do not fear death, because God is present. He is with us. We have great hope because we know that Christ has conquered death.  However, fear is not the same as grief. We grieve, and grieve deeply. It is good and right to do so. 

*Some days, James seems closer to death than others. Other days, death seems farther away but still the most merciful option in this broken, pained, sin-cursed world. Today, he is getting chemo (did you know we changed chemo days to Tuesdays?) while running a fever. I suppose this is a “feels like death” kind of day if nothing else.

*Have you ever been to the wedding where everyone kind of knew that you were the next one to get hitched? There are no words to express what attending a funeral feels like when you have a terminal illness, and your friends know how sick you are.

*God has specially gifted some people who are able to create space for grief. They don’t try to fix it, speak truth to your pain, or try to reframe your reality. They are pained, and they are present. And that is a gift, both to give and to receive.

*It’s hard not to wonder – Is this the last year we will celebrate Christmas with James?

*One day, while praying for James, while pleading to God for his life, I said, “This is such a small thing for You!” I was rebuked and reminded that it is not a small thing to God. Our pain, our suffering, our grief may be a lot of things, but it is not small. It is not inconsequential to God. It means very much to the One who carried our sorrows and bore our griefs. He feels what we feel, and is pained by our sorrow. If James dies, it will not be a small thing to God. The death of His son James, whenever that is, will be a big deal to God. (Psalm 116:15)

*The song “The Greatness of our God” is strangely, wonderfully comforting these days.  Take a listen.

*John Piper once wrote a devotional on sorrow based on Psalm 126:5,6. Though I read it some 20 years ago, I remember his words that the sower goes out weeping with seed to sow, which means we take our tears with us. Our tears accompany us while we continue our work of living, and loving. There are still sandwiches to be made, embraces to be enjoyed, conversations to savor. Grief does not keep us from living...we will not be held hostage by grief. Rather, we force it come along for the ride.

*There is a grief that actually feels like physical pain. I call it soul-strangling. C.S. Lewis described it as an inability to breathe. Let’s both be right.

*Every truly great tale has some dark chapters, and those stories (and the characters) are better for it. One day, our joy will be much, much greater for the sorrow that we are presently experiencing (1 Peter 4:12,13). Our griefs will be swallowed up and our tears, every last one of them, will be wiped away. I am most sure of this very thing.

*Similarly, this is not the end...some days it feels like it. But then one of us will turn to the other and say, “This is not the end. God is not done writing this.” Even when death comes, that is not the end. There is more.

*C.S. Lewis said that God shouts to us in our pain. God hasn’t yelled at me lately...but I can testify that He has never been more real, more present to James and me than in these days.

And no sky contains, no doubt restrains

All You are

The greatness of our God.

I spend my life to know, and I’m far from close

To all You are,

The greatness of our God

Let's Do That, Shall We?

November is just around the corner, our kids are back in school after two weeks off of school, we have internet access again, our car is running after a short hiatus, and I am getting our life back on track.  Once I get out from under the mountain of laundry and school projects (vocabulary hats! leaf collection! pajama day!), I will post a more general update as well as James's final post in his current series. In the meantime, I listened to the first in J.D. Greear's sermon series, "Multiply." This portion really struck me, for obvious reasons. I hope you're as encouraged by it as I was.

Becoming a Christ-follower means viewing everything in your life as something given to you by God as something to be multiplied for His kingdom...I don’t care who you are, God has put things in your life that He intends for you to multiply...if God has put pain in your life, God intends for you to multiply the blessing that comes through that pain by turning it into testimony of God’s goodness and His faithfulness in the time of trial. You see what it means to be a Christ-follower is you say, “God, if you give me prosperity, I’ll leverage that prosperity for the advance of your Kingdom. And if you give me pain, then I’ll turn my pain into a testimony of Your goodness and faithfulness in the worst situations in life.”

Life with Cancer (Part Three)

Alright, so I have fallen behind in posting James's thoughts. My sincere apologies! If you want to catch up, you can read Part 1 here, and Part 2 here. 

Naturally I divide my cancer journey into two parts: Stage 3 and Stage 4. In Stage 3, between two minor surgeries, aggressive chemo, radiation treatment, pneumonia, running several times to the ER, daily hours upon hours of coughing...I spent a great amount of time dealing with physical things, like pain, exhaustion, side effects. However, by the grace of the Lord, I was able to spend hours of time daily studying my Bible. At the same time I was able to read almost 20 books on topics such as the holiness of God, preaching, prayer, suffering, etc. I had the chance to listen to a lot of great sermons. I also managed practicing guitar and taking my kids out to play. Thus my daily schedule was very predictable. I was able to mix the physical exertion and mental work together.

Yet a careful reader might have noticed that to this point I have not mentioned about prayer. The truth is that my prayer is often so short compared with a day, that I am embarrassed to mention it. A poor prayer life did not happen just lately, it is the epitome of my 15 years of Christian living. I always love reading my Bible, but when it comes to prayer, as JD Greear once said, “If you want to embarrass a Christian, just ask how often he prays.” This is very true of me. I often found my prayer life is just dry, boring, and short. It sounds hard to believe, coming out from a pastor’s mouth, but it is the brutal truth. It does not negate my efforts of working in the field, but the method and focus certainly is wrong. The disciples were wondering why they were not able to cast out certain demons, so they privately asked Jesus the “secret” solution. And Jesus replied to them,” This kind can come out only by prayer.” (Mark 9: 28-29). It is surprise to us how the disciples would do that, yet is it not even more unfathomable that we would use our own weapons instead of the power of the Holy Spirit to rob souls from Satan’s world?  

The situation being at Stage 4 completely changed my prayer life. There are two big differences between life at Stage 3 of cancer and Stage 4. In my life with Stage 4 I have spent more time on Bible studying and meditation instead of just reading and gaining knowledge. I spend more time listening to the Bible while shooting hoops or walking. In place of reading more books, I pray.

And God again arranges the perfect time for me to achieve my goal. For some reason, Stage 4 chemo drugs often keep me awake. During these three plus months, my average sleep has not being more than 4 hours per day (including daily naps). I often can get up at two or three o'clock to study and pray. Surprisingly, even with so little sleep, when I come to study and pray I always have the energy to do it. It reminds me of Daniel, although he only ate vegetables and drank water, he looked healthier and better nourished than the young men who ate the royal food.  And strangely, from the first time I really started to call on the Lord to now I have not had one instance of boring, dry prayer. The length of prayer is getting longer and longer. The frequency of prayer is increasing more and more.  I have never known prayer to be so rich, joyful and sweet.

A good example is that one morning as I lay prostrate in front of the Lord (this is the first time of my life ever), He reminds of the verse I just read in Psalm 65:4 “Blessed is the one you choose and bring near, to dwell in your courts! We shall be satisfied with the goodness of your house, the holiness of your temple!” This verse tells me that only the people blessed by God have the chance to worship Him, to adore Him. Only the people God chooses to draw near can really come to His holy temple and bow down. And this is the only place our longings can be met, where we can be truly satisfied. All these can happen, yet the only reason is because His mercy has extended to us.

The inspiration changes my prayer. The very action of bowing down to pray is a blessing from God. Without God’s mercy, we would never be able to come to Him, let alone worship Him. Prayer is supposed to be a privilege not a burden, or a responsibility, or something we as Christians are supposed to do. The truth is that all godly men and women in history are first and most of all pray-ers. The more we know God, the more we experience God, and the closer we walk with God, then the deeper we like to bow in front of the living God. The deeper we bow, the more we trust have; the more we trust, the more we bow more deeply and more frequently.

The Results Are In...

Hello Everyone - thank you for praying us through yesterday! I am relieved to tell you that the results from James's PET scan are very, very good. Dr. Gupta, ever the effusive one, said, "It's a beautiful scan, really."

*the lymphatic tumors in James's chest and the one in his hip are not growing and are "better" and "clearer." I think I heard "smaller" too...
*the tumors are up-taking less dye, which means that their metabolism is slowing, which means they aren't (as) rapidly dividing, which means...their imminent death, maybe.
*there are no new tumors, which, really, is just a huge relief. James's chemo brain is really just a sleep-deprived chemo brain...not a brain tumor. And his left hip hurts from time to time, not because of a new tumor, but because he favors that leg over his tumor-affected right one.

Whew.



Whew.


Maybe we should have a group exhale. Ready? (Wheeeeeeeeeeeew.)

With this great (!) news, though, comes one of the biggest BUTs in our lives.

BUT - James does not get to stop chemo. Because the chemo regimen is working, it is now considered to be something like "maintenance chemo." The doctor explained it to us like a diabetic, who always needs insulin. I am thinking it is like someone in renal failure in need of weekly dialysis.

Thus, as long as James can handle the chemo, we keep at it. Three weeks on, one week off. Three weeks on, one week off. "This is a marathon," Dr. Gupta told us. Three weeks on, one week off.

I wish you all could have seen my face when he told us this.

Dr. Gupta did tell us that if things were looking good, and James was feeling good, we could take a break.

"What is that, like weeks, months?" I asked.

"Weeks.  A few weeks," came the reply.

So...you all can keep praying! Continue to pray for the miraculous. It won't be long, and we'll be entering a realm beyond any doctor's expertise. Most Stage 4 lung cancer patients live weeks or maybe months past their diagnosis. Ever so slim a chance to make it a year. That's what happens when you're 80 and you've smoked your whole life. So of course a weekly chemo regimen that keeps you alive a few more months makes all the sense in the world.

But what to do with the 40 year old who is otherwise incredibly healthy? And what does treatment look like if God healed James, and all his scans started to run clean? (God has already miraculously sustained his life past the "normal" and "average.")

We don't know.

They don't know.

So we do, for now, what we do to treat everyone else.

Three weeks on, one week off....

I'm sure there's a prayer request in there somewhere, but I am not sure where it begins and ends. Thank you -- thank you -- for continuing to remember us.

You are loved!
--james & kristen

Hope

In a few hours, James and I will be receiving results from his latest PET scan. Over the past several days as we have anticipated the scan, had the scan, and in the waiting for the results, it is easy to get the feeling that your very life depends on the results. Will it show the chemo has worked to beat back the cancer, at least for now? Maybe we'll find out that James's tumors are, at least, not growing, giving us a bit more time. Or will the test reveal a body ridden with cancer, tumors mercilessly multiplying as they seek to take a life?

At the very least, I suppose you can be thankful for PET scans, since it removes a lot of the guess work.

But these days while I have found myself, yes, very truly thankful for the tests, I have also been pondering hope. It's a little word, but when you are living under the sentence of death those four letters start to carry so much weight.

Hope.

"The feeling that what is wanted can be had, or that events will turn out for the best."

Is that our hope? We want more days, more time. We want health, and healing. And we, of course, hope for the best. Maybe we'll be one of the lucky ones, the ones who cheated death through the sheer mercy of God and the thousands of prayers offered up by hundreds of loved ones. We hope the scan is amazingly clear. Or at least clearer.

We hope.


Loved ones, that is not our hope.

Jeremiah, born in one of the most tumultuous times of his nation's history, lived a life surrounded by suffering. Nearly every sermon he preached was rejected. He was a total failure vocationally, yet he could not change jobs, or keep his mouth shut. So he kept on preaching which only led to more trouble. He was imprisoned, maligned, smacked around, and even thrown in a well to die. And that's just his life. He watched his own countrymen attacked, killed, maimed, and taken prisoner at the hands of a foreign enemy. He lived among children with swollen bellies and hollow eyes, starving for life. His own neighbors starved to death, and he helplessly watched as dogs fought over the carcasses. He saw the temple, where once the very presence of God had been, be reduced to rubble. Not a single stone remained on top of another one. The beauty, the splendor, the glory of Israel was gone. Ground to dust.

God had left.

So where was hope?

"The feeling that what is wanted can be had, or that events will turn out for the best."

In Jeremiah's day, there were many who had hope. They earnestly believed that God would be gracious to them, that the foreign invaders would show mercy, and that God would once again make Israel a great nation, it's splendor and wealth returned to its former glory. God is faithful to Israel, they said. We won't suffer. Sure, it looks bad, but God will make it turn out for the best. They had such strong hope, in fact, that they despised Jeremiah for his gloomy messages to the contrary.

Hope.

Such a little word. But so much power.

So where was Jeremiah's hope? In the midst of the rubble, the ruin, the heart ache, the disaster. In the days when his prayers went no further than the ceiling, his very soul being strangled by pain. In the season where, at best, God Himself seemed to be rejecting him, or at worst, was out for his very life, Jeremiah wrote some of the most comforting words in all of Scripture.

But this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

His mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

"The Lord is my portion," says my soul,

"therefore I will hope in him."

Hope.

Our hope is not in the scan, dear friends. Our hope is not in better days ahead, or even more of them. Our hope is in the living God, the LORD. The God of Angel Armies. Yahweh. The God whose love has no limit. The God who pours new mercy into our lives each and every day we open our eyes. The faithful God who upholds us by the very words of His mouth. We have thrown our lot in with Him - He is our portion - and so, we hope.

Go have a great day - we'll post results when we can. 

xox

~james & kristen

Living With Cancer (Part 2)

Here's the next installment from James. If you missed the first post, you can catch up here. I hope to post the next one later on this week. As a reminder, you can sign up to receive all blog postings from us via your email. Check out the sidebar on the right. 

We are serving a real and living God.  As 1 Corinthians 10: 13 says, “…And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted [the Greek also means “tested “] beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” During this whole journey, Scripture has been my greatest if not my only source of hope, guidance, comfort, encouragement, joy, etc.

Remember your word to your servant, in which you have made me hope. This is my comfort in my affliction that your promise gives me life (Psalm 119:49-50)

If your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction. I will never forget your precepts, for by them you have given me life. (Psalm 119:92-93)

I have seen a limit to all perfection, but your commandment is exceedingly broad (Psalm 119:96).

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7).

Scripture’s promises and God’s peace has been so real and great to us, from the day we received the diagnosis up until now, neither my wife nor I ever lost one night of sleep or missed one meal because of stress.

As a matter of fact, while my cancer was at stage 3B, as desperately as I want to be cancer free, I also had boldness to pray to God to take me to stage 4. I prayed to God, if it brings Him greater glory, if it is good for my soul, to allow it – of course under the condition that he would spare my life.

For patients and doctors between stage three and stage four of cancer there are magnificent differences. At stage three I have a greater percentage of survival. At stage four, it is totally different. When you search the internet, almost without exception all doctors would say stage 4 is incurable. Because by stage four, the cancer has metastasized and is systemic to the whole body.

As long as doctors have hope, patients will have hope too, the hope of human hands. If I was cured from stage three, in the future I will always have room to question if it is really God who healed me. Now, if I am cured, I can say that it was truly God who healed me and willed me to live. To God, if he chooses to let me to live in the land of the living, percentage of survival means nothing. Stage three and four means nothing, 0.00001% is more than enough to let me remain alive.

I want God to convince me, not just theologically, but whole heatedly, that there are no other gods except Him, and He is my only Hope. The reason I am praying so is because I want to renew my spiritual life, strengthen it.

           

I have been a Christian since March 3, 2000. In fifteen years of walking with God, I have had some great years of growing spiritually. My life compared with before I know the Lord to now is totally unrecognizable. God has certainly changed my world upside down. In Chinese culture, to be a religious leader is never something you would take pride in, unless you can have tremendous earthly gain from it. People view religious leaders as the leader of the elderly, the weak, the fool, the uneducated. And the fact I am willing to serve the Lord among unbelieving people with this title is a proof of God’s work in me. However, my faith journey plateaus a lot, which often frustrates me, wears me out, and bothers me deeply.

As every follower of Christ, we all want to change and grow. We are eager to live a life that is pleasing and honoring God. But quite often we find out that we are powerless to change, and don’t know how to change. We would certainly have no guts to pray to God that He would use some harsh situation like cancer to change us. Instead we pray as hard as we can to stay away from it. Now whether I am willing or not, I am in. To suffer cancer is a harsh, miserable, extremely painful thing. If the Lord allows it to happen to us, it’s God’s will. I want to be benefit from this trial maximally instead of just going through. I do not want to like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bits and bridle, or it will not stay near you (Psalm 32:9). I pray that God will spare my life, and I pray that He would use this time of suffering to allow me to follow after Him with my whole heart.

All good things come from above. I have been deeply grateful to the Lord for giving me peace to pray to experience stage four of cancer. God has been greatly honored and has blessed this prayer. 

75

As of this week, James is now 75% of the way done with chemo.

Three-fourths.

Nine out of twelve.

Only three more to go.

We are getting there, friends! 

Sometimes, when life feels like a slow plod, when your calling has been reduced to "persevere," when there's physical pain and repeated prayers for mercy, maybe the best we can do is count down towards the finish. 

And yet, there is more. There's always more. There's prayer, and conversations, and drawing pictures of Bible stories while gathered around the kitchen table. There's lunches to be made, backpacks to be slung (either onto a shoulder or onto the floor), and pets to feed. Spelling words, timed tests, leaf collections, and Team Umizoomi. And laundry. There's always laundry.  (We applaud you, laundry, for your unrelenting faithfulness to accumulate!) Milkshakes, paints, tub toys, and bed time stories. Drugs that work, caffeinated coffee, and Shapiro's desserts. (Sigh.) Cards in the mail, meals with friends, and the kindness of strangers. And some days, there's even a parade where, if you're Lydia, you put on a rainbow clown wig and throw candy in the streets.

In the last analysis, all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.

~Frederick Buechner 

The people who survived the sword found grace in the wilderness;

When Israel sought for rest, the Lord appeared to him from far away.

I have loved you with an everlasting love;

Therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.

~Jeremiah 31:2-3

These are our days of surviving the sword and finding instead His grace, love, and faithfulness. We seek rest and find (instead) that His very presence fills our lives. So we do more than plod. We sing, we laugh, we turn our eyes towards heaven, and we give thanks. 

Living With Cancer (Part 1)

For quite some time, James has been wanting to post to the blog here as most of you are not on the Chinese WeChat, and even if you were, your Chinese still seems to be lagging (teehee)...all his sleepless nights have given him a lot of time to write, so you all will be hearing from James for the next few days. I hope you enjoy hearing first hand from the patient. A window into how one Christian has gone through suffering...

My wife Kristen has been posting a lot of our cancer journey on her blog, but my job has mostly been devoted to informing my Chinese friends in Chinese. Not surprisingly, a lot of people have come to ask me how I am doing. They want to hear from me in person how I am really doing. My Indian oncologist always wants to know. At the last doctor visit, my Jewish radiologist was wondering how I have been processing - implicitly, he is asking since I have received the death sentence, that my cancer has metastasized to incurable stage four, how am I dealing with things. And I know these questions concern all my Christian sisters and brothers who have been faithfully praying for me. I would like to take this opportunity to share with you my cancer journey of this year.   

            

No doubt, going through cancer and fighting against it is a huge, painful project. It challenges you physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The seriousness and severity of cancer instantly turned me into a professional patient. A job that indicates someone as weak, incapable, even a burden; it does not build me up in any way. When a whole family’s life is spinning around this weak, uncertain vessel, the ups and downs of life is almost certain. The constant physical pain is unavoidable, the worry for the family increases as the symptoms change, the uncertainty of your future prevents you even to dare to dream. A normal life with a future has never been so far away; now it seems to the point of almost impossible to reach. When you pass through a dark tunnel long enough, you realize that light is never so precious to you, and you are so eager to see it again, but not knowing when or if you ever will. 

            

Where is hope, how can we experience joy? What can really comfort us under this kind of circumstance? Doctor’s skill? Money? Career? Success? Comforting words from people? It is a time of trial and a test to faith. It can be a nightmare, catastrophe, total disaster.

           

The morning of the 20th of August 2014. I was waiting for my biopsy result from Kunming. A cough had been the only symptom, and it was bad. In fact, it was so bad that morning, I strained my back. (In Chinese we say that disasters never come alone.) I hardly could move, laying on the couch, so I picked up my Bible and started reading. As I read to Isaiah 43:1, it says “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.” I feel so strongly that the Lord is speaking to me that I was both deeply comforted and overwhelmed. I immediately felt that the Lord is telling me that the result is not going be good, but He is telling me not be afraid, because I belong to Him, and He will be with me as the rest of Scripture says (Isaiah 43:1-3), “But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you…”

The result turns out to be that I have cancer. But a lot of times hospitals in China are not trustworthy at both the ethical and the skill level. We quickly set an appointment, and went to a well known international hospital for more tests in Thailand. On the morning of the 30th, before we heading out to get my final results, while waiting, I turned on my iPad, and the daily verse attracted my attention. The verse comes from 2 Samuel 12 :13 "Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” Nathan replied, “The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die.” As I saw the verse, “you are not going to die,” I feel like Nathan is just standing next to me and telling me that I am not going to die. Though we did not yet know the seriousness of the situation - I did not know I was going to be facing death - I knew it was going to be very hard. Yet from that verse, I knew that God's grace would carry us through.

In retrospect, as we started receiving results from different doctors I realized how timely that verse was to me. Without it I really cannot imagine how I can face all the reports coming from the doctors. Every result is like they are giving me the death sentence, each time in a new way. The seriousness of my situation came in stages, as each doctor delivered worse news than the one before. But each time no matter how serious it sounded, I always felt like Nathan was standing right next to me and telling me that I was not going to die. The doctor’s results count for nothing. The protection and the presence of God is so true and real, that I felt the whole situation is completely under God’s control; because He foreknew this was going to happen, and He is telling me ahead. Those who trust in the Lord are truly like Psalm 112:7 promised: He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.

of thinning eyebrows and rising suns

Hi Friends - not much to report around here but since our silence apparently makes people a little worried for us, I thought I'd just give a brief update. 

James completed dose #7 of chemo last Wednesday. We are thankful that James's body holds up so well to chemo. Other than his bald head, people might not otherwise know that he is undergoing treatment...though this time around I noticed that even his eyebrows have thinned out considerably.  I hope they hold on until the bitter end. Ha! 

Dr. Gupta runs blood work on James each week he's in chemo, and his "numbers" continue to be very good, meaning that all things considered, he's not much at risk for infection, anemia, or bleeding out. Whew. And last week, Dr. Gupta reduced the steroid that James has been on, which meant James was able to get a bit more sleep this week. Wonderful blessings. Additionally, James continues to notice a decrease in pain, which surely is a sign that the chemo is "working." We always hasten to add, though, that this chemo is not exactly seen as a cure - it may work on the remaining tumors, to reduce their size or even eliminate them, but apart from God's miraculous healing, James's chances of survival are quite slim. (Cheery, I know...sorry! Welcome to our world...)

However - As James is handling things so well, and as the sun continues to rise each day, we find ourselves settling in to this "new normal." We've adopted the attitude of "You might be dying, but you're not dying today." We have today. (Isn't that all any of us have, really?) We continue to be strengthened and encouraged by your prayers, and face each day with tremendous hope and confidence. We believe that God is at work, and we are trusting that James will be healed. We continue - as I know you do - to plead before God for life, for completely restored health. Naturally, we are longing for the day when this season is behind us - at the same time, we know that God is working good things as we learn to wait on Him and persevere.


[As an aside, we know many of you have been praying specifically for James's family - some events are unfolding in our absence that indicate the Spirit moving in their hearts. Please keep praying for them, that His work would not be hindered, and that Light would shine in the darkness.]

A date to keep in mind - on October 9th James will have a PET scan. Who knows what will be revealed! We will likely get the results October 14th. Of course we'll let you know...

Thankful for you all...
james & kristen

My Heart Exhults

We head back in to chemo tomorrow - up for another three doses, round 3 of 4. In the meantime, we've been busy with plowing ahead on ministry projects (Amazing to see it all come together, and...yowza); meeting our new small group leaders (Are we really getting to do this?! Yeah!); and working with my dad as he scored us a free playground and swing set for the girls (Wow, God is good! And, go Grandpa!). Here "we" are this last weekend on the swings...yes, that's a chicken coop as the backdrop, because - free chickens.

Blessed be the Lord!

For He has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy.

The Lord is my strength and my shield;

In Him my heart trusts, and I am helped;

My heart exults,

And with my song I give thanks to Him. 

                                    ~Psalm 28:6-7

Half Way!

Note - I wrote the following post late last night, and then, since it was midnight & nothing good happens after 11pm, I held off until I could see it again. (Also, despite comments below about James getting sleep...in the end he only slept for 1.5 hours last night. Ouch.)
________________________

Hi friends...today marks the official "half way mark" for James's chemo. Six down, six to go. Whew.

James is doing really well. Last week the drug-induced sleeplessness was really getting to him (because it gave him headaches), but these last two days he was blessed with good sleep - and even now, as I write here in bed, he is dozing off next to me. (I should also add that whenever I have told anyone about James's lack of sleep - so they can pray about it - he is quick to add that he quite enjoys getting up at 4a.m. Apparently his prayer life has never been better, so he is not complaining about his wonky sleep schedule.) (Which just goes to show you how much better James is than me - give me so much as two days with no sleep, and I'm ready to punch somebody's lights out.)

Other praises - James's blood numbers are really good. (Seriously! They look like someone who is not going through chemo.) He is also not in much pain, all things considered. He is currently not taking any pain meds and is managing just fine. 

There was no mention today of a "let's check on your cancer scan," so we assume it will be later this month, presumably after dose 9. However, I suppose it is possible - given James's minimal pain - that they hold off doing one altogether until he finishes. Who knows! 

James just in general seems really good. Chemo working? God at work? Let's hope so...

We continue to be upheld by your prayers - we both have been given tremendous peace in the midst of this. I continue to be amazed that I have not lost so much as one hour of sleep since James's cancer recurrence. It would be quite understandable if I was lying awake at night, panic stricken about what might happen. That simply hasn't happened, and that, my friends, is a testimony of the power of God, working through your prayers.

People have asked us what they can specifically pray for...here's a short list...

*pray for miraculous healing. We are asking that it be the kind of healing where even the doctors struggle to explain it apart from God. 

*pray for God to miraculously strengthen, heal, and protect James's bones. Sometimes, it feels like there's a fracture. Pain is deceptive and never gives a complete story, but we already "know" that his bones are "permanently" damaged from the tumor. Pray that God rewrites the diagnosis. Pray that James will once again run and jump and out-pace the high school boys. (Hey! Go big or go home!)

*pray for healing for James's lungs. He still coughs, though he's better than he was, and he's best when on steroids. When I pray for this, I am always reminded of the verse in Psalms that says God's Spirit renews the face of the earth. Pray for "renewal" of his lung tissue. 

*pray for strength to persevere. I imagine you all get tired of praying....we get tired of the diagnosis. But I thought today about how good it's going to feel - just plain good - when we get past the finish line on this, together. Those who stick it out are going to have a lot to celebrate! And it will be all the sweeter for all the times we (all) wanted to give up, but didn't. Seeing God's answers will be so glorious for those who continued to petition, wait, and believe in faith. 

*were about to launch into some things - in faith - through our church. I've taken on a biggish (short-term) project in the kids ministry, and James signed up for a counseling class. We're also looking into joining a small group. We would love the opportunity to do that! None of these are huge commitments...but life has seemed tentative, our future completely uncertain, and, well...cancer is just plain hard to plan around! We have come to see that God is very much in the details...might the details of our life work in a way to allow for us to serve, learn, grow, and connect! 

*last, but not least, pray for grace for the hard days. It's not always rainbows and lollipops around here (though your chance of getting a lollipop over here is surprisingly high...).  Increasingly, we find ourselves thankful for all that God is doing, and all that He has done through this season...we need His grace to cover us on the days when there's pain, or tears, or frustrations, weakness, or deep sorrow. 

Wow. It's late. 

And this is long.

Goodnight, dear friends!

--kristen

In the Tiny Things

Hi Friends - this past week has been a bit of a blur of school, packing lunches, doing laundry, going to the fair (milkshakes! live calf birth! dog show! chinese acrobats!), doctor visits for James, an ear infection (Kristen), colds (all 3 girls) and sleeplessness (James). We are hanging in there. As Winston Churchill once quipped - when going through hell, keep going. Or as Paul once wrote - we are afflicted, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; struck down, but not destroyed...so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. 

In all the driving around between the doctor, grocery, and school, every so often we manage to catch a good sermon on the radio. Just days after my last post, I heard Alistair Begg say the following.  He expressed what I have been thinking and writing about...and said it in a much clearer fashion (not surprisingly). Plus he's got that whole Scottish accent thing going for him. I thought I'd share...

Don’t let’s miss God’s hand in the details. Some of us do not enjoy God in the way that we might because we have got some kind of expectation that is neither realistic, nor biblical, nor any other thing. If God was really God and He really loved me and really blessed me, then this would happen and that would happen and the next thing would happen.

Hey!  Listen! Did you sleep through the night? Did He awaken you today? Is your double circulatory system at work right now, creating oxygenated and deoxygenated blood? Do you have renal function? Do you have neurological function? Can you blink your eyes? Can you say hello? Can you kiss your wife? Can you hug your kids?

What else do you want?

Don’t miss God in the tiny things. In the tiny things! The reason that some of us live impoverished lives is because we have decided what it would be really like if God were to step forward at the time that we have decided and to do what we have decided would be right for us to receive if it is going to be a representation of our status and our standing.

Let us, in light of this truth, bring all our doubts and all our fears and all our disappointments...bring it all under this overarching truth. Which is, to keep reminding ourselves of the fact that God has an ultimate purpose. That Paul says, in Ephesians 1, has been set forth in Christ, as a plan for the fullness of time to unite all things in Him – things in heaven, and things on the earth. For from Him, and for Him, and to Him are all things.

That changes the way we view things. 

Amen.  Go in peace today, friends. 

--james & kristen

Late Night Ramblings from the Fourth Dose

Hello Friends! 

Excuse the late post - James and I have been going since 6 a.m. this morning and are just now settling in for the night, though it is 10 p.m. (and I should really go throw those clothes in the dryer...)

James received his fourth dose of chemo today. His blood numbers look good, his hip pain is still in a very manageable range, and he's tolerating the chemo really well. James did get diagnosed with a very mild case of shingles today, so he's now taking an antiviral to deal with that. (I guess to make sure it doesn't get worse, come back, or last for weeks on end? Otherwise, to us, it seems like he's already pretty much over it.)

During the several hours at the cancer care center we were able to get some good ethnic food recommendations from Dr. Gupta.  Needless to say, Dr. Gupta shares our view on the "narrow flavor profile" of American food and was happy to oblige.  (Complaining about American food is so much more interesting than talking about cancer!)  And I say, if the doctor can't cure you, he should at least be able to tell you where to get some good food. Kudos to Dr. Gupta for coming through on at least one account!

We continue to be so thankful for your prayers which we know God is using mightily in our lives. God hears, and is answering so very many of them. Thank you.

The last several days have been really enjoyable as James has been free from chemo symptoms (his last dose was the 5th).  Though the reality of cancer is ever-present, it's been a wonderful blessing to see James up and around and more his normal self.

I was thinking today as we walked back into the "furnace" of our reality how easy it would be to believe that our situation was the worst imaginable. It would be the most natural thing if I was sitting around thinking, "How could this get any worse?" Can there be anything worse than the diagnosis of an incurable cancer?

Well, yes.  Lots of things, actually.

But even in this circumstance, I can envision many ways it could be going so much worse. James could be really, really weak, confined to his bed. James could be nauseous, with constant vomiting. He could have difficulty eating, and could be losing weight. He could have chronic infection. He could have cancer in his bone marrow. He could be in so much pain that he needs narcotics, or radiation. He could have blood numbers so poor that treatment needs to be delayed or stopped. He could, quite simply, be dying.

And that's just James. Add to the equation me and our girls, and you could very quickly have a hot mess of crazy.

But God.

God has been, and continues to be, incredibly, unspeakably gracious. Not just to James, but to me and our three girls. And so we give thanks.

From the time of James's initial diagnosis of lung cancer, we have been confident in our belief that this is something that God is allowing in our lives. Not something God caused or wished on us or punished us with.  But something He is allowing. Maybe because it was smoker's lung cancer given to a non-smoker that made it easy to believe God's sovereign plan even in this.

As we continue to walk this road, we find ourselves giving thanks to God, for his goodness in bringing us through this. He has allowed this cancer.  He has allowed it to metastasize, and He has allowed it to threaten to take James's life. But at the same time, He has set a boundary that it cannot cross. Cancer will not erode God's faithfulness, nor can it limit His lovingkindness. God has, for this time, set a boundary over the amount of suffering He will allow us to endure.

So often in hardship we look so long and so hard at what God is not doing (He is not doing it my way, in my time), that we forget to notice what He is not allowing. And it is, many times, in the things that He does not allow in our lives that we can experience His grace, if we will simply stop long enough to notice. In faith, let's walk in that spacious place of the loving, all-wise mix of the "allowed hardship" and the "unallowed suffering," because God is good.

In closing...all good rambles eventually come to a close...one of my favorite verses. I love the image of God carrying Israel through the desert, like a father carries his son...embraced, shielded, carried, loved. Tonight, we give thanks for the way God is carrying us through our "wilderness."

"Do not be in dread or afraid of them. The Lord your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the Lord your God carried you, as a man carries his son, all the way that you went until you came to this place." 

~Moses, 

in Deuteronomy 1.29-31

Good night, dear friends, and may you, too, feel carried by our great, gracious, loving God.

'Round Here

Happy Wednesday, Everyone! Here's what's happening over in our little corner of the world...

*Michaela and Lydia are rockin' kindergarten and second grade. They love their teachers and are always busting out of the minivan in the morning, excited for another day.

*The not-so-new/newish-to-me I Am They album is playing on our Spotify.

*James is off chemo this week and is feeling pretty good. He lost his hair last week and commented yesterday that his pain is less than a month ago.  Around here, we try to take feeling crummy as a good sign that chemo is killing off more than hair follicles.

*James is reading rather voraciously these days - in the past two weeks he's finished Tim Keller's tome Walking with God through Pain & Suffering, Eugene Peterson's Run with the Horses on the life of Jeremiah, Kevin DeYoung's Freedom and Boundaries and The Hole in Our Holiness, and Francis Chan et al's The Road We Must Travel. When I can snatch them out of his hands, I've read some of these as well. Great books!  The other two I'm about to finish are Kate McCord's In the Land of Blue Burqas and Don Whitney's Simplify Your Spiritual Life. Just in case any of you are looking for something to read...

*Dear friends gifted us an AMC gift card (fun!) and so we are heading this afternoon to see Shaun the Sheep, The Movie. Shaun has long been a He family favorite, so we're pretty excited about a full length movie. It'll be good to laugh together.

*Last weekend we traveled to Midland, Michigan for our cousin's wedding. Everything was beautiful, and we were so blessed to get to be there. (Bonus for the girls - free cake!) We were able to spend Saturday afternoon in the Dow Gardens and Sunday morning in the pool.  Not an altogether bad way to spend the weekend.

*We've gotten on an Asian food kick for lunches...so good to see thinly sliced meat, bean sprouts, soy sauce, and Thai peanut sauce around.  A break from "meh" American food seems to feed the soul.

*I'm slooowly working my way through 1 Peter, and am also enjoying Wayne Grudem's commentary alongside my study.  I'll leave you with a quote from him - God has used it to encourage me these days. May it be good fodder for thought on your end too. Commenting on 1 Peter 1:17-20, he writes

The God whom Christians fear is also the God whom they trust forever,

the God who has planned and done for them only good from all eternity.

Have a great week! You are awesome.

Love,

--james and kristen

When Life Gives You Lemons...

I keep thinking about this card, even though it's been months since the first time I saw it.  



It still makes me laugh. Have a great Monday! 

New Look, New Widget!

Hi Friends - I spent a few minutes prettying up the blog. (That only took me a year!)  

I also added a Google widget which allows you to subscribe to our blog by submitting your email address.  (Look for it on the right hand side.) If you subscribe, you'll get an email every time we post which keeps you from checking back all the time...finding we didn't post anything...losing the blog address...being embarrassed to ask for it again...asking family members for an update instead...falling out of the loop...feeling horribly guilty...drinking cookies in your coffee...and now feeling really, really horrible...

Who knew that such a simple widget could save us from such a relentless, vicious cycle! Yeah, technology! (And yeah me for inching towards the 21st century!)

James continues to feel well today...we cannot thank you enough for your prayers. 

First Day of School

Yep, it's true. My kids went back to school today. Just as well, since the current mixture of heat and humidity makes us feel like we're living in the Amazon. We've had that much rain this July too. Won't be long and we'll feel the need to put the house on stilts...but I digress! (I miss you, former mountain climate we called home!)

School. Inside. Air conditioned. Supervised. Without Mom. Free of charge. Ahhh...

QUOTES OF THE DAY

Lydia: Some of my Indian friends from last year passed away.....to California.

Michaela: It was a good day, but we didn't learn how to read yet.

And it was a good day. No one passed away, and James's strength actually picked up during chemo...and has remained strong since. I like to believe it was round about the time you all started praying. It was either that, or the Thai food we had for lunch. (Because man, that lunch was so good I'm still thinking about it 12 hours later!)

Love you all - thanks for the prayers! You made our day!

Thank You

Last night the girls and I went to our school's annual ice cream social - the kick off for the start of the new school year. We were able to meet their teachers, who are both incredibly caring, hard working women. Wow - what a blessing!

Sadly, we left James at home in bed....which was the second time in two days I was being called upon to play the part of single parent. Don't get me wrong - I take my kids places on my own all the time. But when there's no choice, when life foists it upon you...well, that has an entirely different feel to it. 

But then it's in these moments when life has you by the throat that grace has a chance to reveal itself. I might otherwise have missed the chance to relish in God's kindness, had life not pinned us to the mat. 

Because of cancer, I had the chance to tell Michaela's teacher about our lives, and I got to hear a bit of her story too. While other moms were asking about nap time (there isn't any), play time (there won't be much of that either), and how to safely get their child off the bus (try to remember a school isn't going to let 5 year olds wander the halls aimlessly), I got to hear about how God shapes a life through a broken back, a police-officer husband being shot (he survived), and God's plan in the provision of a new job as a kindergarten teacher. Perhaps few other circumstances would have allowed us to say (in a completely acceptable, we are not weirdos, hey it's nice to meet you kind of way) - we are Christians, and we're praying that God is gracious to us.

And then. And then, people...we returned home and as I rounded the corner of the driveway, my heart leaped to see James outside, shooting baskets. A small thing, but a huge thing. He was also out of the mental fog he'd been in, once again able to focus, talk, and interact with us.

Not an altogether bad way to end the day. 

So thank you for your prayers. They have great power as they are working.

Keep Praying

Dear Friends - these past few days have been hard. Really hard. James is exhausted and is spending more and more time in bed. He has some other, less severe (but incredibly annoying) side effects of chemo - itchy skin and chronic hiccups - but the exhaustion is the most discouraging. It feels like he is dying because (as he said) he is not even always cognizant of what is going on. He's aware - but he's feeling like he's in a fog. 

So you need to pray. 

If this is the road that we are going to walk, we need to have God's strength to endure.  We are being pressed beyond our own ability to endure, and we have 3 more months of this lined up. I currently cannot even conceive of 11 more chemo treatments...I am only focusing on the next two (then a break). We can make two...I think. 

We need faith to believe that God is working - faith will give us eyes to see the unseen. Otherwise, we are only going to focus on what is seen - and that is an all-too-depressing place to live. 

And of course, pray for a miracle. James and I keep (trying) to remind each other that if God is truly going to get the glory for the miraculous, things are going to have to look really, really bleak medically. We don't know whether this is the story we get to be a part of, but we pray that it is. We know healing James is a very small thing for such a great God as ours...join us in asking for God's mercy. 

Thank you! We think of you often - your presence in our lives makes God's love tangible. He is using you speak to us when we need it most. Thank for allowing Him to use you to bless us!

When God Gives You More Than You Can Handle

...there's a wonderful article on it! Written by Mitch Chase, a pastor down in Louisville, Kentucky - he unpacks the bad theology behind the conventional wisdom that "God will never give you more than you can handle." 

Trials come in all shapes and sizes, but they don't come to show how much we can take or how we have it all together. Overwhelming suffering will come our way because we live in a broken world with broken people. And when it comes, let's be clear ahead of time that we don't have what it takes. God will give us more than we can handle--but not more than he can.

The best line - "There's never a good time for your life to be wrecked." 

Word.

Read the rest of the article here. 

One Down, Eleven to Go...

James went in for his first dose of chemo today. Whether it felt more or less overwhelming than the first dose of chemo last year, I cannot say. Many aspects are less overwhelming, including knowing all the staff and knowing the kinds of questions to ask. James didn't have any major surgeries prior to today (unlike last fall when he had two), and in general, his health seems better than last fall. ("Other than a bit of cancer," as we keep telling people.)

On the other hand...here were are again. And this time, we know we are in for a long haul. So thankful that you are "long haul" kind of people! The cards we received in the mail today, the emails, and the texts are God's love pouring into our lives as just the right time. 

*We received the results from James's latest CT scan.  We were really glad to know that James's cancer is currently only in two spots - a lymph node in his chest, and a tumor in his pelvis. Thus far, no metastasis to other bones or internal organs.  "The sentence of death" (2 Corinthians 1:9) is still upon us...but maybe not coming as painfully or as quickly as it could. We know that no matter what, it is God alone who will save James's life, so yes, it is wonderful news that his body is not rife with cancer.  Two spots of stage 4 lung cancer are still incredibly lethal.

*The chemo drugs James is receiving are generally handled well by patients, and thus far James is no exception. We spent the afternoon walking around and doing some shopping. James is currently washing the dishes. His appetite has thus far not been affected, and he is not nauseous. There are heaps of potential side effects, so you can ask that God be gracious in that regard. 

*According to Dr. Gupta, now that James has a tumor in his bone, that bone will forever be affected and will never be completely healthy. The chemo can potentially destroy the tumor there, but again - apart from God's intervention - James will have permanent damage to his pelvis. [I did ask if that means James has to give up rugby and football...apparently yes. =) ] Yet, as one of our dear friends said, "Well, God can make bone."  So, we're not too worried about that (just another thing to pray for!).

*We had a wonderful, wonderful conversation with one of James's nurses - whom we didn't even know was a Christian - but has been through some significant, life-altering trials since we last saw her. We had a great time encouraging one another, reaffirming God's goodness and His plan, and testifying to evidence of His grace in our lives and the power of prayer. Probably the highlight of my day...

*Both James and I are pretty wiped out...pray for the gift restful sleep. 

THANK YOU for your prayers!  Just a while longer now...

...rest the full weight of your hopes on the grace that will be yours when Jesus Christ reveals himself...

~1Peter 1:13 (Phillips)