Monday, December 1, 2014

Learning to Wait

Hello friends...welcome back, and congratulations for finding our blog after a four-day weekend of EATING ALL THE THINGS. You're tremendous, truly, and we're glad you're here. 

Our weekend was a healthy mix of seriously good eats (it's great to be part of a foodie family during the holidays!), watching THE parade, carbohydrate induced comas, black-Friday shopping, and lots of crazy. You know how you know if you had a great family holiday? If you have to take one of your kids to the dentist following said holiday.  

No joke. That's where I was part of today - getting one of my kids dental xrays.

(As a TOTAL aside, one of the benefits/blessings of living overseas & only coming home every 2+ years is that technology jumps forward without you noticing.  So you get slammed with all kinds of cool stuff all at once, and you get really excited at each "new" introduction. (While the innocent clerk/staff person looks at you with this mix of absolute befuddlement/trained courtesy/pity that seems to say, "Where the heck have you been, lady?!  This is SO 2012!")  All that to say, I am happy to report to you all that the dentist finally got rid of that horrid cardboard x-ray film that was always the size appropriate for say, a tiger's mouth rather than say, a normal human who still possesses all their teeth. No more shredding the roof of my mouth whilst biting on a cardboard blade and the inevitable, uncontrollable tearing of the eyes. Woot. It's the little things.)

Ahem.  Where were we?

Ah, life in the midst of cancer. In terms of update, there's not really anything to report. We're in the midst of waiting which, some days, is really difficult. James doesn't appear noticeably better, and there are no guarantees for what the CT will show. As we're finding out, finishing cancer treatment does not automatically put you on a trajectory of health and wellness, even if you do have days where you feel mostly better than dead. You have a lot of days of feeling terrible, completely zapped of strength, energy, vitality. James is still coughing, a lot. James isn't sleeping very well and is often in pain. On days when he feels decent, attempts at physical activity (like shooting baskets) are often a painful reminder of weakness and loss as much as they are an encouraging mental break. 

So, we long to be on the other side of this...not just to return to life-as-normal (though hey, that wouldn't be all bad), but to be able to say, "Look what God has done - He has proven Himself as the faithful, miracle-working God who sustained and strengthened us through a circumstance that we could not have endured on our own." We know God is at work, and we testify of the many, many provisions He has made for us along the way. And God is, without a doubt, changing us for the better for going through this. But we're still in it, waiting to see how He's going to bring all this together for His glory. Because if I'm honest, some days it just seems like a big jumbled pile of crazy. (And some days I am the big jumbled pile of crazy.) 

Most days, it's just learning to wait, in the face of terrible odds and lots of uncertainty...with faith that God is working on our behalf.

So let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. 
--Hebrews 10.23

1 comment:

  1. Kristen, I totally agree about the cardboard x-ray films! I always hated those for the exact same reason! Ha! Love and miss you much, friend! xoxo